What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
