Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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