At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
