I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
