woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
