Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
