i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
