I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
