Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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