thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
