that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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