My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
