it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
