All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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