That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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