Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
