im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize