hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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