Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
