he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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