Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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