in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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