I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
