Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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