I heard we made out
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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