I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
