I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
