Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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