Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
