A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
