The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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