Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
