I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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