Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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