I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
