I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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