1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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