i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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