Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
