I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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