Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
how does that bad decision feel?
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