my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
