what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
