She said her name was "party"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
