you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
