oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
