if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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