found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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