Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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