so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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