Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
