My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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