I accidentally burped into my bong.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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