Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize