alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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