I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize