Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
