He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
