i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
