ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
