just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
