Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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