Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
