If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize