Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
