Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
