my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
