I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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