I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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